Tool - Sober

A difinite favourite, but kind of a distubing video though. I love Tool. I LOVE Tool!!

I´m a slightly dorky light-weight nerd!

This was the coolest test ever! :D

Oh my!

This is what my horoscope says about my dag:

A gray presence
You will experience today a conflict between your sense of duty and discipline on one hand and your desire to enjoy yourself or relate to others on the other. If you feel emotionally cold today despite the overtures of a loved one, it is best to do nothing. You should not pretend to have emotions that you do not feel, because of a misguided sense of duty; the other person will sense this and it will only increase the hurt. Loneliness and self-pity sometimes come with this influence. You feel surrounded by bright, positive energies that you simply cannot relate to. You may feel like a gray presence among colorful people. Do not take such feelings seriously, unless you have them frequently. In general today, you may encounter aspects of yourself that you would prefer not to face.

Maybe I seriously should stay in bed like I want to...?

Down under

So, I´m down in the basement again, full of anxiety and depression. Of course I blog about it although I have no hope that it will help in any way. I am a totally worthless fuck up. My boyfriend adores me, but he doesn´t really know me. If he did he would despise me.

I wish I could escape from everything. Everyone in my life would be better off without me.

I spend a lot of time daydreaming these days. I daydream about winning the lottery. Buying the perfect house. Decorating it. Living in it. Cooking in it. Drinking hot chocolate in front of the fire. Sitting in the garden on a summer night with a book and a glass of red wine. I daydream about my daily routine; I would keep my job because I love it. But in my daydream I am in complete harmony with everything and everyone. I am calm and happy. So calm and happy that those feelings almost rub over into my real life.

Who am I kidding? I am who I am, and I will probably never be calm and happy for more than a few days at a time. I think I´ll live inside my daydream for a bit longer...