So, I´m down in the basement again, full of anxiety and depression. Of course I blog about it although I have no hope that it will help in any way. I am a totally worthless fuck up. My boyfriend adores me, but he doesn´t really know me. If he did he would despise me.
I wish I could escape from everything. Everyone in my life would be better off without me.
I spend a lot of time daydreaming these days. I daydream about winning the lottery. Buying the perfect house. Decorating it. Living in it. Cooking in it. Drinking hot chocolate in front of the fire. Sitting in the garden on a summer night with a book and a glass of red wine. I daydream about my daily routine; I would keep my job because I love it. But in my daydream I am in complete harmony with everything and everyone. I am calm and happy. So calm and happy that those feelings almost rub over into my real life.
Who am I kidding? I am who I am, and I will probably never be calm and happy for more than a few days at a time. I think I´ll live inside my daydream for a bit longer...
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Down under
Posted by Rhiannon at 8:48 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
I'm joining you! I spend my days daydreaming just in order to get through work. I have a really bad relationship with one of my colleagues, and it's affecting me pretty bad at the moment. So in addition to the very refreshing short-term fantasies where I kill her and continue changing diapers, I also have one more long-term where I'm engaged to Nate Fisher (from Six Feet Under), moving in with him, and expecting his baby. Discussing baby names, redecorating the house, and such.
Long live the imagination, if you ask me! I mean, I feel pathetic, but at least I'm coping... ;)
Post a Comment