White trash

I fell asleep...
And now I´m watching Stars Without Make Up....
How can I???

I am so very white trash....

But i like it! :D

Tales from this year

I am lying under a blanket on my bed. I have a cup of warm toddy on a stool beside me. And I have chocolate and candy. I have my mac, and I have Oceans Eleven on tv. My daughter is away. I am having a good time all alone. Right now I am sucking on a licorice fish... Mmmmm!

I am thinking about this year. All the big happenings in my life. My dog dying being one of the sad things that have happened this year. Me quitting the master program at uni being one of the smart things. My initiation being one of the wonderful things. My new job also being a wonderful thing.

And now some nougat chocolate. Yum! What will 2009 bring me? Good things I hope. I visualize only good things in my life and I work to attract what I want. 2009 will be a good year. Righ now I´m gonna contnue to enjoy this lazy day.

Away with me

I am flying away from this wordly shit. Light as a dried leaf I am. The wind carries me away from everything that disgusts me. I land in a pure, clean landscape. Green grass. Blue sky. There is no Christmas here. No gifts. No fat food. No family.

I lay myself down in the rich, soft grass. Breathe clean air. I am alone. I feel calm. I remove myself from everything material. And I feel happy. Away from everything I feel content.

Some time off

I have been three days without internet. By choice. It has been quite relaxing. Nice. But now I´m back. And I´ve had my first iChat ever. Cool.

I think that soon I will have to make a choice between the real men in my life. Or choose to not have any of them. The two candidates in my life are signalling me to make some sort of decision. I don´t know what to do.

Yo-ho yo-ho, a pirate´s life for me!

These last three days I´ve watched the Pirates of the Caribbean-movies. I definitely wanna be a pirate!! And I wanna marry William Turner or Captain Jack Sparrow. Or both. And I want a ship. And to not be afraid of the ocean..... I wanna fight with swords, plunder and pillage and be dirty and disgusting....

But alas! The couch is my ship and the screen in front of me is my horizon. There is no breeze rustling my hair, no crew to harass, no rum.... wait a minute! I´ve got rum!! Haha, a pirate´s life for me!

My new wardrobe - and Justin

I have been to IKEA today shopping for a wardrobe. I have put it off for a year, but today I finally did it. I nearly panicked in the middle of the whole ordeal but my sister reminded me to breathe, so I came through it alive. Wardrobes are big and expensive! I am exhausted! Again!

Tomorrow afternoon the wardrobe will arrive magically and I will have to put it up by myself. I really hate all kinds of handy woman work! I like to sit and watch, drinking wine and talking while some hero of mine does the work.

Oh, and I sort of fell in love with Justin today. You know, this handsome hunk of a young man who is into making pop music..... And I really like the name Justin too... I want one!

What a day...

Had an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning. He said some things.

"You are clearly in a depressive mode right now."
"Increase your medicine dosage."
"You have to treat your bipolarity as an illness."
"You will never get better, only worse."
"The only thing you can do about it is to take your medicine, and go to therapy. Only both things together will make you better."
"Be happy you live in an age where this can be treated so that you can live a pretty normal life."
"Most of the great thinkers and spiritual people throughout history have suffered from a bipolar disorder of some kind. You should be happy to be like them."

While he talked I wished I could go to a vet and have myself put down like my dogs. And I seriously considered throwing myself in front of a bus on the way home. Needless to say I didn´t as I´m writing this. Instead I went to work. Because all my colleagues were sick I had to mind the shop all by myself. Although that only made me feel like shutting down completely when I found out I actually think it was a good thing because it forced me to think about something besides my crappy self. I even went to my knitting club after work, and had a pretty good time. Hope for a simpler mood tomorrow.

It´s all in the stars

"This is a very peculiar influence and is usually accompanied by strange feelings. You are likely to feel extremely irritable and itchy without quite knowing why. And at the same time you may feel discouraged and incapable of doing anything useful. Feelings of weakness and inferiority are quite common during this time, but it is best not to take these feelings too seriously."

This is my personal horoskope for today. So maybe it´s not my brain that is fucking up but the stars that are being difficult. Or maybe it´s all connected. Stars and chemistry on one side and my will on the other? I won´t think about that. Nope.

Signs of depression

I have been in the worst mood for days now. I get irritated for absolutely nothing. I wanna scream in rage. Hit something. Or someone. Yell at people around me. Be rude and crude.

I hate feeling this way. And I don´t understand why I feel like this. I guess it is part of the whole bipolarity thing. Anger and irritability is a sign of depression. And the way my energy level have been heading down down down lately, this probably is a wave of depression washing over me.

I am fighting it. I really don´t wanna be depressed! But how do I fight the chemichal unbalance in my brain? Actually I think Hermetic practice is a solution. If I only remember to use it. Which I tend not to when I feel down. But today I remember and I carefully visualize and tune the mental poles controlling the chemichal balance in my brain and my mood.

I need a dog!

Lazy Sunday

Today I have had the laziest day ever. I slept late, stayed half the day in bed finishing the book I was reading, crept over to the sofa, ate som breakfast and slept through both The Little Mermaid and Star Wars - Attack of the Clones...

Then I decided it was time to get up, so I did and I cleaned both bathrooms and started making dinner. Now the dinner (chicken wings and salad) is almost finished, and I have clean bathrooms.
All in all I´ve had a great day!

I am soooooooo tired today. Exhausted. Felt an urge to get that piece of information out.

And I soooooooooo want a dog. A Doberman. This Doberman: http://www.alphanordic.net/forum/index.php?topic=1468.0

I need a Doberman. Really really need one. All I want for x-mas is a dog for me, a dog for me, a dog for me. All I want for x-mas is a Doberman, a Doberman, a Doberman.

Please?

Buried tensions

"On the other hand, long-buried tensions may surface now and demand to be handled. The problem is that they may surface in such a way that you cannot readily figure out where they have come from. Frustrated energies in disguised form mean that you should not take emotional upheaval at face value during this time. The tensions are significant, but not what they seem."

This is a part of my personal horoskope for yesterday. When I read this I felt so sorry for myself because I was going to have a difficult day that I went out and bought myself some cool biker boots and some sweet sneakers. I thought that whenever the difficulties and tensions would rise I would comfort myself by looking at and enjoy my new shoes...

Actually I never noticed any tensions or difficulties yesterday. Must have been those new shoes. Must have been, right?

Do you want to hear the story of my life?

I met this young woman yesterday for the first time. She wanted to buy some of my craft. We met on a café, had a cup of tea and talked for a while. During the short hour we were together she managed to tell me pretty much everything about herself. She had been teased in school and had been raped and abused by her first boyfriend among other things.

What to say? I was really quite perplexed by her openness. Why would she want to tell me things of such a private nature? I toldt her very little in return. When someone is that open the first few times I meet them, I tend to do the opposite of what they are doing. So when they talk a lot about very personal stuff I hardly say anything about myself.

I wonder what makes some people spill their guts to total strangers...

Introduction

As if my first post wasn´t introduction enough...
I am Rhiannon, named by Annie in this universe of ours. Witchiest of all.

Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her?
She rules her life like a bird in flight
and who will be her lover?

All your life you've never seen
a woman taken by the sky.
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?
Would you even try.

And He says Rhiannon don't go
And He says Rhiannon stay
and he says he still crys out for you
don't leave me, don't leave me

Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her?
She rules her life like a bird in flight
and who will be her lover?

All your life you've never seen
a woman taken by the sky.
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?
Would you even try.

She is like a cat in the dark,
And then she is the darkness
She rules her life like a fine skylark
And when the sky is starless

Once in a Million years of living like her 

Would you like a slice?

At least the pizza tasted nice. Human beef pizza. New and exiting. A lot more cleaning up than with an ordinary margarita pizza but it was worth it. The exitement more than the taste made it worth it. The chewing not so much. Quite stringy this person. Jaw tired. Oh well, that comes with the territory I guess. Old hag. Next time I´ll try younger flesh.