Prying open my third eye

My favourite song. I have heard it about seven times today, while walking to and from the train and while on the train. I have been working in Lillestrøm today at the gift- and interior fair. Annie would have loved it there. I did too, but I was working after all, and could not spend as much time as I wanted just daydreaming about how to decorate my appartment, my house, my castle, my cabin and my summer house. Yeah right. What I did was putting on and taking off next seasons alpaca experience collection. A small, but very interesting collection with hight quality. I did get the time to buy stuff for my shop though - also things Annie would love I think. Very cool purses and bags, lovely hand knitted scarves made of goat hair and lovely wool and silk wraps. Not the kind to eat.

After the fair was over and we had cleaned out all our stuff and put it trucks we went to this asian resturant. A tradition after the fair I was told, but it was my first time. The food was absolutely lovely, I fell totally in love with the duck dishes. MMmmmmm!!!

I feel so weird right now, and I don´t even know why. Spending so much time with so many people does that to me. All I want now is to go to bed and spend some time with Sookie Stackhouse. Good night!

Mr. Moody

Okay.... I had to digest this one a bit. Two days after Angel and I joked about marriage and kids and stuff, he was really moody. I think moody is most likely his middle name. We had a discussion after I jokingly called him a gigolo (come on! He lets women buy him stuff, take him places and pamper him - and he has sex with them. No matter he has only been with two girls in his life, and he sais he was in love with them, (that only kind of makes it a pattern, huh?) it makes me joke about it.). So, I thought he got the joke, but obviousle he didn´t because he kept on mentioning it for hours. (Why do I keep chatting with him for hours when I should be sleeping??) Then he started saying he only ever wanted to see me if I come to the city he is going to live in and stay in a hotel there while he stays at home. I have never ever stayed at a hotel for a man like that, and I NEVER will! Of course I said no. He said he didn´t really wanna see me at all because I had called him a gigolo and he don´t want to see people who think he is like that. And he said he was afraid I might take advantage of his lovely body if he comes to visit (I might, but that is beside the point!).
Soooo, in the end I said: whatever, you are being really silly, try getting the fact I made a joke referring to what your family members have accused you of, I am going to bed.
Then he said: did we just have our first fight?
Me: Yeah, I guess.
Him: do you wanna be with me?
Me: Whatever do you mean "be with you"?
Him: Do you wanna be my girl?
Me: Are you serious???
From there things started to get really weird and blurry.
It was seven thirty in the morning, and I had not slept at all that night (and I was up until 5 am the night before...), and I was really confused.

We have been chatting for several weeks, and he has been running hot one night and cold the other for a few of those weeks now. What the hell does he want from me? Also, he seems to forget that I am a grown woman with a lot more experience than him and he sais he is afraid he´ll break my heart. I am starting to think he is only a young, immature, intrigue making flirt. (Yeah, of course he is with his latin blood.) Mr. Moody!

Here is my message for you Mr. Moody: I outgrew hot/cold, immature, heartbreaking fellas when I broke up with my ex four years ago! I have no need or desire for it. And if anyone here is going to break any hearts, its gonna be me!

To top everything off I have seen James a couple of times the last week. I do not wanna be his girl, but seing that I am sexually starved right now (by choice, thank you very much, there are a couple of guys just waiting for me to yield to them (and why the hell can´t the girlies do that for once?)) and he has turned me on since I was fourteen, I have been working hard with myself not to jump his bones. Sexual attraction can definitely confuse a poor gal to think she has more feelings than she does.

Sookie Stackhouse is my best friend. Can you tell?

I am getting married!

Yeah right, haha!

The thing is that my Angel and I took our fantasy almost to the limit yesterday. Before this we have both been very clear on the fact that chemistry might not be right between us IRL. We forgot all of that yesterday...

It all started early in the day, when I told him the love story of this couple I know. The first time they met he was 14 and she was his 22 year old teacher. He decided right then that she was the woman he wanted to marry. Of course nothing happened then, and years went by without them meeting, although he was her little sisters best friend. So, one day when he was 21 the two sisters were going out for a drink, and he tagged along. She was living with a girl then, beliving she had become a lesbian. Well, magic happened that night and she fell for him just as hard as he fell for her 7 years earlier. Things sped along from that night, she broke up with er girlfriend and moved in with her new love. Now they are married and have a lovely little girl. And truly, I have never ever seen a couple as happy as them.

Strange enough this romantic story didn´t make my Angel feel good. Instead he started brooding over the fact that that was not our story, and that it wasnt us that was happily married with kids. After several approaches to try cheering him up, I finally managed it when I said that I make my own destiny and it is never too late to find love.

I am not really sure how things
went from there to almost being married before we´ve even met, but I know we were by the expressions "old chickens give the best soup" and MILF (Mother(s) I´d Like to Fuck). Me being the old chicken and the MILF of course, haha! Anyways, we started toying with the idea of being married, where to have the ceremony and what to call our first child. (The ruins at Hovedøya, and if a boy Ravn, if a girl Asuka (we´ll have to discuss Asuka - I am not sure about that one.))

Talking like that felt good. It felt real somehow. Isn´t that weird? How can a make believe relationship with a guy on internet feel more real than some actual relationships I´ve had...?

Gaaah, I am turning in to mush!

Just before I logged off to get some sleep (it was five in the morning by then...) we agreed that him being an angel and me being a star - two celestial beings on this planet - we must belong together. Right?

I am going to stop now... Just one more thing. One thing that was actually very hard yesterday was seing on his face the same frustration and longing that I felt.
Oh well, five weeks to go - and counting...

Self confidence boost

I was walking down the street, feeling good about myself. I had some make up on, a black long sleeved dress, a dark pink scarf over my shoulders and my golden havaianas. Nothing spectacular, but I felt good. Besides I was practicing my Goddess Walk. That means that I walk slowly, having my ovaries as a focal point, giving my hips a slow, sensual sway. This is the most natural way to walk, it gives me harmony and a sense of calm. And I have time to see what is going on around me as I walk along. Maybe that is why I noticed these two two guys in the corner of my eye, about to cross behind me. One of the guys nudged the other, pointed to me and said "she is soooo beautiful".

Well, that put a smile on my face!
And I think it proves that when you feel good about yourself, others notice it and respond by seing beauty. Also, men love swaying hips - always have, always will!

Anyway, it always feels good when someone confirms you look good when you feel so yourself.

My Angel

While you listen to this song you can read about my latest obsession.
I am well and truly obsessed. How long I have been obsessed I am not sure about. At least one month. Maybe two. It all started when this guy sent me a friend request in facebook. He added me because he saw that I was a member of Regnskogsfondets pages on fb. For a while we only talked about the rainforest, the environment, the future of the planet and heavy stuff like that. But slowly we got more personal, started talking about our backgrounds and getting to know each other. We startet to chat on skype, with camera. I started to see the glow in his dark brown eyes. His high cheekbones. How he pressed his lips together when he was frustrated about something. And then those eyes seemed to catch fire when he looked at me. I was well and truly lost by then.

My own personal fantasy. Like the crushes I have had on James Hetfield or Johnny Depp... Only I could talk to Miguel. Beautiful Miguel Angel. My fantasy. My obsession.

Very soon after we started chatting he told me he was coming to norway, he was just waiting for his working permit. An exiting thought, but nothing concrete. Well into the future. But two weeks ago he joyfully told me he got the permit - he is coming to Norway at the end of august. That night I had a nervous breakdown...

I got over the panicky feeling after a couple of days. Now we actually have concrete plans to meet. Some days I am fine with it, some days I am NOT. The days I am fine with it is the days I feel like a very sensual goddess. The days I am not, I remember that he is only 25 and I am actually 32...

Sometimes I sort of envy Annie her Angel. He is not flesh and bone... No unbearable waiting, no silly thoughts about stupid stuff like "maybe he smells bad", "maybe he talks funny" or worse of all "maybe there is no real attraction between us"...

Oooooh, I am tormented....