Confession time

I have done something rather terrible today... I have bought one pair of boots and two pair of shoes today.... But they were all on sale! I just had to! It was love at first sight.

Ah, what a relief to get that of my chest! ;)

Dexter

I watched Dexter for about eight hours yesterday... After the first episode I was fascinated. After the third episode I was hooked, and after the fifth episode I was hoplessly in love with Dexter himself, his sister, his girlfriend, Angel and the bad guy (of course I realized who the bad guy had to be).

I watched the last three episodes today (in a mildly hungover state - I was out with a friend last night, which is why I had to save the last three episodes for today). The end of season one is SOOO sad! Had I not entered a emotionless state much like Dexter himself I would have cried...

It has only been a couple of hours since I saw the last episode but I already hunger for more. I have to get my hands on season two soon! Really soon!

Ops...

I did it again. Actually I did two things I have a bad habit of doing from time to time. First I went to Hennes & Maurits, where I spent a long time looking at different dresses. I picked up the things I liked and carried them with me through the shop. After a really long time looking through pretty much everyting in the shop I suddenly had enough. I put all the clothes on the nearest hanger and left the shop in a hurry.

I felt pretty good about not having spent any money on clothes I really don´t need. But then I went to Platekompaniet... I should never have done that. All the money I didn´t spend on clothes, I spent on dvd´s instead...

I bought the Batman collection, the first season of Dexter and Baz Luhrmann´s Red Curtain Trilogy - with Strictly Ballroom!! All in all I bought about 25 hours of things to watch. A thought that made me wanna calculate how many hours of entertainment I have all together. Haha!

Next time I hope to buy the first season of Supernatural. Those guys are cute!!

CSI

I´m gonna miss Grissom sooooo much! Stupid man!

Boring!

Work is pretty boring when there are no customers... Nothing to do. It is snowing wildly, and I guess that is why people are staying indoors instead of coming by us... Booooring!

I are supermodel

I was supermodel today. Superdupermodel. In the sun. In the snow. In the cool clothes. In the fancy make up. In my super cool boots. I are pretty fat lady.

Latte

I rinced glass, and everything thoroughly and made myself a new latte, which luckily tastes just as it should. :)

Since it is saturday and I have the day off I´m gonna knit on my cool purple dress. So long!

Soap and coffee

My coffee tastes like soap. Whyyyyyy???

If I drink it, will I get sick? Well I won´t drink it because it tastes awful! I have to make me anoter...

Fat!

I was right! I am getting fat for real. I visited my grandmother yesterday and tried her scales.... I have gained 4 kilos since last summer! Faaaaaat!

My shrink actually told me last week that I should weigh myself regularly to proove to myself that I´m not gaining weight. Riiiight. I AM gaining weight! Fast!

Shrinky also told me that fat weighs almost nothing compared to muscles and stuff. The problem there is that since I started gaining weight I have trained less than in years, so I must have less muscles now than 8 months ago.... Which means that I must have gained more than 4 kilos of pure fat. Faaaaaaat!

And what am I doing to comfort myself...? Eating candy! Piggy! Oink oink!

Rhiannon is a fat pig

I really am. Something has happened to me, because when I look in the mirror I no longer look slim and slender. I am big. Bigger than ever. Heavy. My face is round, and I have several sets of "handles" on my sides. My ass is enormous. I can barely squeeze into my biggest trousers.
When I walked to work earlier today I could feel all the fat on my body, my ass making huge movements. What has happened to me?

Summer is coming on fast, and I´m gonna look like this on the beach!


I feel like shit! I have to talk to my shrink about this tomorrow. Once again he will tell me that this is just an obsession. It is not real. Just a part of my illness. Yeah well, it really doesn´t matter to me that I actually still fit size Extra Small and that people tell me I´m just a tiny little person. I really do feel fat, heavy, sweaty and disgusting.

You know... the really funny thing is I think round women are lush and gorgeous. I should be happy about feeling and looking big....

This is me

Need I say more?

Pain

Getting a new dog wasn´t how I thought it would be. I thought it would be pure joy, relief and a remedy for the loss of Miss Doberman. But as soon as I decided to buy this dog I was filled with a feeling of guilt and I can´t seem to get rid of it. I miss Miss Doberman so much! She can never be replaced, and I´m not trying to replace her. I just wanna have a dog in my home.

I can´t seem to get close to Echo. My heart won´t open up to her. She is lying next to me right now, sound asleep. I can feel her warm body next to me. She is breathing heavily. Sometimes she snores. Totally relaxed. I should love her. She is a great dog. Smart and kind. Only a baby. She deserves to be loved.

So now I feel twice as guilty and ashamed.... Chandra understands how I feel. She tells me this feeling of guilt and loss will pass. I will come to love Echo and feel close to her. Everything will be all right. Wize cat.

What a day...

I have things to do both outside and inside of my home, but I haven´t done anything useful all day. I slept til noon and have watched Tim Burtons Corpse Bride three times since...



Tim Burton is amazing!

Still, I can´t say I´m proud of myself for being so lazy.
I finally got in the shower an hour ago. Showering was so exhausting I had to rest a bit when I got in my clothes. So here I am, drinking coke and eating chocolate and wondering what to watch next...

Oh my, I´m definitely gonna end up a fat old lady!

Stuart

I think I´m falling back into love with Stuart Townsend.

Lithium

Let me tell you a secret: Lithium is nothing to worry about. I don´t understand why this lovely medicine has been put down for so long. Why is it said to change people? Well, of course it changes people (that is the whole point), but in a good way. You won´t loose yourself on lithium - on the contrary. You get the chance to find yourself because it takes away both depression and mania. But in between those states are lots of healthy moods and feelings and states which people with a bipolar desease rarely have a chance to get to know.

I am on lithium now and I am getting to know myself in a different way than before. I don´t have to try to see past the depression, because the depression is not there. I am happy, but not in a manic way filled with restlessness and a need for things to happen. For the first time I feel content and calm, but I havent lost any parts of myself. Is this how "normal" people feel? Lucky them!

Weird moods

I am in such a weird mood today. I don´t know why. I feel .... just weird. Not angry or irritated, but on the verge of anger maybe. Like my body is ready for exploding at the smallest excuse. I need to fix this.

Puppy

My puppy is eating a slipper right now...

Yay!

I´m getting a dog! On monday! Yaaay!!

Oh, is that you, Jack?

So, it seems that my romance with Mr. Nemo isn´t over. I finished Portrait of a Killer on thursday night, and thought that was it.

On friday I wanted to relax with a movie and pulled From Hell out of the movie shelf. I bought it about a year ago, not knowing what it was about, only that my sister liked it. I hadn´t seen it yet and felt it was time. I was really surprised when i found out that the movie is about my darling Jack! Well, Mr. Depp is in focus, and they got it all wrong, but still...

I have been visiting a friend this weekend, and of course I found a book about Mr. Nemo there. Just had to read a bit! And tonight a Ripper movie is on tv, so it seems my days with Jack is not yet over. He is not ready to leave me. And I like having him around.

Goodbye Jack

My friendship with Jack is not over but it is time to let him go. He has a bad influence on me, and makes me wanna rip flesh like he did. I have resisted the temptation though, and now I am at a point where calm has replaced the manic need to rip. I really like Jack, strange as it may sound. I like his feeling of superiority. What to say? He was a killer with a truly sick mind, but I like him. Goodbye for now, Jack, I´ll see you again sooner or later.

Imogen Heap

Loooove this song! Looove Imogen!

Gone gone

The need to slash someone open is gone. Luckily.

Argh

I so wanna kill someone right now. With a sharp but not too large knife. It doesn´t matter who it is, but preferably someone who disgusts me. I have a lot of rage bottled up and I need to get it out. Seing someone elses blood being spilled by my hand seem just the way to cool my temper.


Oh my, I think I just exploded...

I wonder, wonder....

I wonder why I have five blogs. Why do I feel the need to have five blogs? Why can´t I just gather all I have on my mind in one blog? I have one blog for the cats, one for my knitting and stuff, one witchy blog, one more like a diary and this one which is "secret". With so many blogs I could spend the whole day blogging. Oh well, I really like blogging. And I do feel the need to give different parts of my personality and interest their own space. Is my ego too big, when I feel the need to spread myself on the internet like this? Is it a symptom of me needing more room than I should need?

I don´t think I should be thinking about this. It isn´t good for my self asteem. Nope. I do not occupy too much space. And I deserve to have as many blogs as I want. Yup!